In A Bad Place

The sentiment has been building but today I just woke up in a really bad place.  I feel overwhelmed and moody.  I can't shake it.

I've taken a couple of days off from training to rest and catch up on other stuff that has been simmering in the background.  I needed to organize a bit for a class that I am teaching in the Fall and get materials for a class that I am taking.  I am looking forward to both.

I decided I needed to get out today and planned for a short, easy ride.  I still felt funky.  In fact I knew I was in a really bad place when I seriously thought about how bad I would have to crash on my bike to be out of my next race.  Yep, I am living in that sort of reality.

I don't want to race.
I don't want to train.
I feel like big fat out of shape slug.
I feel like my fitness is not improving.
My times are not improving.
My run has completely deteriorated.
I am not feeling any stronger. I  feel weaker.
I keep gaining weight.

I want to quit it all.
I want to run away with my family and spend a weekend at the beach.
I want to feel rested and peaceful.
I want my clothes to fit.

So, I'm not sure where to go from here.  I have too many commitments in limbo at this point.  Maybe I will feel better once life settles down a bit.

I want to be here.

"Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure."

Thomas A. Edison