Reboot.

I am in a happy place right now.  At this moment in time, training and life seem to be falling into place.  Why am I so optimistic?  Well, let me see.

• My kids start back to school on Monday.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I am about to get my daily training time back.  Also, life will be more of  a routine and less of a summer free-for-all.
• I have been training as consistently as possible given my time constraints and I feel really strong right now.  My hip is feeling fine and all my other joints have stopped screaming at me.  I could use a serious massage but I am not in pain.  
• I am looking forward to this coming semester without major teaching anxiety.  I think my math class this semester is going to be fun and I am excited about earning a little extra money.   
• Travel plans are set for my next race.  Taking the whole family for a long weekend in mountain cabin actually sounds like fun.  I am excited that there are plenty of friends racing with me so I won’t be the only one stressing.  See San Diego race report.
• I am signed up and am excited about a Sports Nutrition course.  This just feels like the start of something.  Up to this point I have been plagued by self-doubt about pursuing my interest in the fitness arena.  Feelings of inadequacy have pretty much subsided and I just feel like I might as well check it out and see what happens.  It is the same way I felt before finally joining the Tri Girls.  That has worked out for the best. 
• I have found a moment of peace with my body and body image.  I am not where I necessarily want to be weight wise but my body is working for me.  I am tired of stressing about food.  I have a new goal that doesn’t include dieting.  I hate dieting and waiting on the scale to move.  I actually haven’t been on the scale in a few weeks.  It isn’t worth it to me right now.  I am more concerned with being race-ready on Sept. 8th.  That is priority #1.  I will, however, need to incorporate some solid nutrition to get me to that point.   Nutrition is not dieting.

I truly feel like I’ve had a perspective change.  Life looks different.  Maybe it is a confidence boost that I earned from my better than expected experience in San Diego.  Maybe my mental health is just in a better place.  Maybe I’ve decided to focus on new goals.  Whatever it is, I am going to enjoy it.
So, what is the action plan from this point forward?

First, I will be training like I have never trained before to be ready for my Olympic distance debut on September 8.  I will be consistent and purposeful.  I have the luxury of time and enough knowledge to make this race a positive experience.  My race goal is simple.  I want to finish strong.  I don’t care about time, I don’t care about placement, and I just want to enjoy the experience.  I don’t know, yet, how my body is going to respond to 3 or so hours of racing.

Second, I will relearn how to enjoy food.  While I will not diet, I am going to be making a conscious effort to limit my sugar intake.  Sugar is not my friend.  Sugar acts like my friend but then just abuses me and leaves me feeling icky.  I refuse to deny myself but I also want to make sure that I am not eating impulsively.  It is a goal.  It will take work.  I also want to learn how to cook real food.  It seems like every time I get on a “learn to cook” mission it is so I can make diet food.  The food generally sucks and I never make it again.  This time I want to make food that is not processed garbage but rather filling nutrient-dense foods that leave me satisfied.  Two meals a week seem reasonable.  I can build from that point.

Third, I need a real schedule.  The benefit of not having full time job outside of my home is that I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  The reality is that I rarely get anything done.  It is too easy to just push things off.  So, I am going to try to set up a weekly family schedule that includes everything that needs to get done each week.  I also really need to get my entire family on a schedule so that each day is more routine and less chaotic.  Sometimes I think I make my life harder than it needs to be by being the only person in the family with a clear idea of what has to happen each day.  I need to remember that everyone else isn’t on the same page and they can’t read my mind.  This will also help to ensure that my training time isn’t spent taking care of miscellaneous stuff that just builds up and I will have time set aside for cooking.

Finally, I am gearing up to complete a fairly extensive list of races for the Fall and Winter.  My tentative race schedule is as follows;

• Deuces Wild Olympic Triathlon Sept. 8
• Thin Mint Sprint 5k Sept. 29
• Tinfoilman Sprint Triathlon Oct. 14
• “Wine Run” 5k Oct. 20
• Women’s Half Marathon Nov. 4 (this is very tentative, no commitment yet)
• Tinker Bell Half Marathon Jan. 20

And a goal not involving racing, is getting my butt to the top of Mt. Lemmon on my bike.  Hopefully, it will only take me six weeks of working at it to pull that one off.

There is a lot going on right now and I’m excited to get going.

I've decided that this isn't such a bad picture after all.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau

Weekend Adventure; San Diego International Triathlon

This past weekend I participated in the San Diego International Triathlon.  It was a weekend road trip with good friends.

The week leading up to the trip was full of drama.  We were planning to take my van but I noticed it was leaking something on Monday afternoon.  I took the van in to be checked out on Tuesday and on Wednesday morning got the word from the dealership that the car was not safe to drive.  I decided to rent a car for the week.  The van was going to be a big enough headache and I wasn't interested in dragging my kids with me to drop my husband off and pick him up from work.  Thursday was my baby boy's 5th birthday so I was running around like crazy trying to get a party together.  I was very distracted and not really stressing out about the trip and race.  I would have preferred no car drama but it is what it is.

On Friday I finally started to get into the traveling groove.  I managed to get all my gear packed and then I got my bike secured and finally got my suitcase put together.  I had very little confidence in my bike rack.  It just didn't seem like it was built to carry a bike for 6+ hours at 80+mph.  Call me paranoid.

Oh, but before I could had it all assembled and loaded I had to deal with a my never flat tire going flat and a big chain mess.  So, 30 minutes before the pretty picture up top was taken my bike looked more like this.

Flat tire removed and chain mess.

Luckily I was able to get a decent night of sleep on Friday.  I stayed up too late but I was actually able to fall  asleep and didn't wake up until 4:00 a.m.  Once up I ate some breakfast and loaded up the car and was on my way.

I picked up my friends, Maryann and Jen, at 6:30 a.m. and by 7:00 a.m. we were at our first Starbucks stop and on our way out of town.  

This adventure brought to you by Starbucks.

After much silliness we arrived in San Diego at about 1:30 p.m., checked into the the hotel, got spooked by the mini-bar and headed out to packet pick-up.  The Sheraton we stayed at was very convenient for this race.  The staging area was about a 15 minute walk from the room and the run course actually went right through the hotel parking lot.

The view of the swim course looking toward the hotel.

I picked up my packet and got some information about the transition area and a general lay of the land.  We then headed back to our room to relax for a bit and get ready for dinner.

The view from our second floor balcony.

Once back in the room I remembered that I needed to take a ride out and check out the bike course.  So we packed the course map up and headed out on the road.  What a mistake.  I was stunned/overwhelmed/frozen with fear at the hills on the bike course.  I am used to riding hills but I also like the reward of the downhill following the work from the uphill.  This course felt like it climbed forever.  The problem is that I was just as spooked about going downhill fast as I was about trying to haul my butt up the hills.

I kept it together pretty well during dinner.  On the way back to the hotel Jen suggested that I take the bike out for a quick ride just to make sure that nothing had happened to it during the drive.   I took the bike out for a short ride back toward the race staging area and everything felt fine except that I was starting to get anxious.  I am always a bit anxious before the race and I hadn't been anxious at all up to this point.  It was a rapid downward spiral.  I couldn't focus on anything and felt like everything was a blur.  I also hadn't had much of an appetite and I could tell the girls were worried that I hadn't taken in enough to get through the race.  We were driving around at 9:00 p.m. looking for food.  I pretty much knew by that point that I was not going to sleep.

In this case the monsters were anything race related.  I went into this race so easy-going.  No time expectations, I just wanted to experience it all.  Then I saw the bike course and decided I was going to somehow manage to die.  I hate anxiety.  So, around 1:00 a.m. I decided that it didn't matter what time I got to transition to set my place up, my spot was reserved and I just didn't care.  Also, I decided I was never racing again.  I hate the angst and the physical torment from the anxiety.  At that point it just wasn't worth it to me.  Finally, I fell asleep.

I was up at 4:00 a.m. but moving very slowly.  There was no rush as I did all the normal pre-race stuff.  I was fed and out the door at 5:45 a.m.  The first hitch was that the gate out of the hotel parking lot and into the park was locked.  I had to detour through the same dirt lot all the other athletes had to use.  Not a big deal but it did slow me down a bit.  Once I made it to the chaos of the race I just went into race mode.  I stopped for body marking and then went to find my transition spot.  I paid a premium for the race to have VIP status in case I didn't make it to packet pick-up on time but this meant that I had a space reserved in transition area.  This was awesome!

It was 6:15 by the time I made it to my transition spot so I didn't have much time to fuss with my gear. Everything was set up but I had the nagging feeling that I was forgetting something.  I asked the nice ladies around me about when to put on wet suits.  They were very helpful and my nerves were at bay.  I gathered up my swim gear and headed over to the potties.

Luckily, I found a relatively quiet spot to wait for my swim wave.  There was about 1.25 hours between the close of the transition area and the start of my wave.  I chatted with some very friendly and supportive new friends.  I was calm and it was nice.

I was super excited to see Jen and Maryann heading toward the starting area.  I felt a little lonely and wanted to know where they were going to be.  Once I checked in with them and got some help closing up my wet suit, I waded out into the water.

Getting excited about being in the water.

There was plenty of chatting and goofing around in the water waiting for the start.  We got some last minute directions from the guy on the boat.  Then very suddenly the gun went off.  I had tried to position myself as to not get run over or stuck behind slower swimmer.  I did pretty well.  I held back and tried to pace myself for about the first 100m.  The swim was amazing and awesome and thrilling.  I felt powerful and strong and I just kept going faster and faster.  I loved every minute of it.  I loved passing and finding my way through the pack.  Loved it!

Finished with the swim and feeling pretty darn good.

I worked my way out of my wet suit and went through my T1 mental checklist.  I was so happy to be on the end of the rack and so close to the bike out.  I had no idea my Super Friends were waiting for me at the bike mount but I heard my name and cheering and it was a really good feeling.

Okay, so after all my stress and anxiety the bike was very fun.  It was hard but I know how to ride hills. It was not scary and I never felt out of control.  I chatted with a few other racers and thanked as many volunteers as I could.  The hills were rewarding and the view and moment of peace at the top turn around point amazing.  I hope I never forget that sense of calm as rolled through the turn around.

There was one major climb on the way back to transition and then it was a screaming downhill.  I yelled, "weeeeeeeee" at one point and it was joy.  I was almost done and it was fun.  I spun my legs out at I approached T2 trying to get them loose.  It worked.

I took off on the run and was determined to just get through it.  My last few running races have been miserable and I just wanted to soak in the beautiful course.  I mean, who knows if I am ever going to get back to this place to do this sort of thing.  I tried to hold a steady pace but was not concerned with speed or time.  I slowed at the water stations and I actually enjoyed the run.  At one point I looked up and this was the view:

 

I was happy when I finished the race.  I had accomplished some pretty amazing things.  I still haven't quite wrapped my brain around the ease and thrill of open water swimming.  Four months ago I couldn't even imagine getting in the water.  I was also impressed with my ability to climb on the bike.  It hurt and I was sucking wind but it was doable.  Finally, I was glad that I was able to take a step back from the competition and just enjoy the run.  

The rest of the weekend is a blur but it was fun.  We enjoyed some beach time as both Maryann and Jen took on ocean open water swimming.  I sat on the beach and rested in the relative quiet.

Taking on the waves at La Jolla Shores.

Then there was this adventure in checking into and then out of and then into our hotel for the second night.  The first place we check in to had a great location and beautiful view but the room was infested with flies and the hotel was in no hurry to find us a new room.  We were in a hurry to get the heck out of there.  We found a nice place to stay in Hotel Circle.  It was generic but comfortable and the restaurant made a mean margarita.  

Post race refueling.

 Sunday night I slept very well.  We were up early to get on the road before rush hour.  I was sore and just ready to be home.  The drive between San Diego and Yuma was uneventful.  Then at the Yuma Border Patrol Checkpoint this happened.

Flat Tire

The tire on the rental car went flat at the most perfect place.  I would have rather not had to deal with a flat at all but had this happened just a minutes later we would have been in the middle of the hot desert.  I'm sure Maryann could have changed the tire but we still would have had to drive back to Yuma to trade out the car.   It was a surprising end to an eventful weekend.

When all is said and done, I had a great weekend.  Traveling with friends was fun and refreshing and the race was memorable and rewarding.  I wish I hadn't had my freak out and mental breakdown.  Sometimes I just can't keep fear and self doubt at bay.  It is a goal to work toward.

Next up is the Deuces Olympic Distance Triathlon in September.  Of course I am going to race again :)

First Races

On Saturday night I participated in the Meet Me Downtown 5k.  I did the run last year and was alone and still had a good time.  This year I was surrounded not only by my husband but plenty of running friends, new and old.  This turned out to be a special event for me.  A chance to remember the joy of first races and to jog myself down memory lane.

I've been running races for 10 years.  I can vividly remember the very first time I ran with purpose and I think at the time that meant I ran about 100 yards.  I was elated and gasping for air but it felt like the beginning of something.  I kept running but nothing over the top and I certainly wasn't training for anything.  Then in the Fall of 2001 I started to lose weight and exercise became a required part of my life.  I was loving my spinning classes and running a bit.  Finally, in the Spring of 2002 I had lost 40 lbs and felt invincible.  Being 25, recently out of grad school and fully employed helped with the invincible part.  Anyway, I decided to join up with the American Diabetes Association's version of "Team in Training" and train for the Dublin Marathon.  Then I was running with purpose.

I trained consistently through the Spring and Summer of 2002.  Running felt good.  I had a 13 mile training run coming up and came across the America's Finest City Half Marathon in San Diego.  So, I signed up and headed out for the weekend.  Oh to be young and free again.  I am reliving this story because this was my first road race.  I didn't go the normal route and train for a 5k, then 10k and then half marathon.  My first goal was a marathon and this half was just a training run.  I was too naive to know that it was a pressure filled situation.  I just went to run, in San Diego, with a whole bunch of other people.

The week leading up to this race I had injured my right knee.  I didn't think much of it.  It felt stiff but not really swollen.  During the race the pain was significant for the first 4 miles and then it just went numb.  I think the magnitude of the distance, my exhaustion, and first race elation caught up with me when I saw the finish line.  I remember the joy I felt and the release from so much self doubt and years of carrying around extra weight and emotional baggage.  I had achieved something pretty impressive.  It is also the fastest I have yet to complete a half marathon at 2:18.  

Unfortunately, it would be my first and last race for some time.  My knee was significantly injured.  I had torn my meniscus on a training run and then proceeded to run 13.1 hard miles on the injury.  It took about 6 months for the orthopedist to get it all sorted out and I had my first knee surgery over New Year's 2003.  Fun times.  

It felt like it took forever for the knee to heal and one of my first races back in the game was the 5k associated with the San Francisco Marathon in July 2003.  Again, I just signed up for this race because it sounded like fun and Jamie and I were planning a trip to the Bay Area.

My knee only held out for a few more months but I had my second surgery in November 2003.  It was then diagnosed as Osteoarthritis and the doctor described it as a devastating injury for someone so young.  I was told I would outlive my knee and never run again.  Blah.

Maybe it was young age or something else but I guess I never felt a sense of awe in my running.  I guess I still don't.  It is just something that I do.  I get nervous before races.  I get lazy in my training.  I hope for faster times.  

This weekend I had the chance to see running and racing from a different perspective.  I have a few friends, in their mid-30's, moms just like me, who have decided to start running.  I am so impressed by them.  I can't imagine starting now.  Finding the time and motivation to begin a new habit.  A habit that at times is more of a chore than a joy.  Or, maybe that is just my jaded perspective.

The Meet Me Downtown 5k was the culmination of their months of 5k training and they were so excited, nervous, and full of questions.  I so often forget that a 5k is a real and lasting accomplishment because for me the distance is an easy training run.  See, I'm jaded.  It was a treat to live this out with them.

This race was pretty crowded.  It has great atmosphere with a live band playing and the sun setting.  The only problems are that it is hot and crowded and this year we had bonus forest fire smoke.  Joy.

We worked out pre-race jitters with pictures and a trip to the bathroom.  

I only know 3 of these people.

This was the view from where we finally settled in the starting corral.

My husband is the dark haired guy in the red shirt right in the middle of the picture.

The race started and I went out fast.  I went out too fast.  It was seriously 100 degrees, we'd been out volunteering for about 2 hours before the race and there was smoke in the air.  I should have taken it easy.  If only I were less competitive.  At mile 1.5 I had a side stitch and my mouth was dry.  At mile 2 I walked through the water station trying to settle my breathing down and by mile 3 I was convincing myself to keep running.  It wasn't a terrible race.  I did feel nauseous at one point and thought I was going to lose my lunch.  I felt light-headed a couple of times but mostly I was just anxious to be finished.

I finished in a slow 32:05.  Whatever.  I could beat myself up but it wouldn't do any good.  The conditions were terrible and, well, I haven't done much speed work lately.  Lesson learned.   You have to actually train to go faster.  Duh.

The best part of the evening (besides the rare chance to race with my husband) was watching my good friends cross their first finish line.  They worked so hard and for them this was a huge accomplishment.  I am so proud of them.  I am an emotional person to begin with and I nearly lost it when my friend, Jen, came barreling toward the finish.  You could see the pain and relief and joy in her face.  

My friend finishing her first 5k race.

There are so many times that I take my accomplishments, fitness, and training for granted.  It is just what I do.  I want to be faster and fitter and place higher but I forget that there are so many people out there who wish that they could do all these things that I take for granted.  I hope that in some small way I am able to inspire someone to try and push their physical limits and fears.

Thank you to my friends, training buddies, and fellow racers for inspiring me.

Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it's all about. 

 ~Patti Sue Plummer (running)

Keep Moving Forward

This past Saturday I went out for my first long ride in about 2 weeks.  Over the Cinco de Mayo run weekend I bought some new bike shoes and clips.  I discovered that I was missing a few screws on my old clips and had to upgrade. Anyway, I had these new shoes to try out and clips to give me some anxiety but I just could not find the time to get out on my bike.  Every time I could have gone out the wind was howling.  We seriously had, what seems like a full week, of dangerously high winds.

I was going to the gym and doing some indoor cycling but it just isn't the same.  Finally, around 7:30 on Saturday morning I was out the door and on the road.  I was hoping for 30 miles without crashing in my new shoes and clips.  My route was 14+ miles out and back.  The 14 out felt pretty darn good.  I had my moments of doubt right around the hill at Jeremy Wash when I was convinced I was going to fall over from moving so slowly up the hill but I managed to stay upright.

At the turn around I refueled a bit and headed back.  I should note here that the 14+ out is mostly downhill.  The challenge is generally the 14+ of slow gradual climbing to get home.  I was moving like I was riding through mud.  It didn't take me more than 2 miles to start hating life and putting myself down.  I was ticked that I hadn't ridden more seriously over the past few weeks.  I was angry that I seemed to have lost speed.  Why couldn't I just get it together?  Why I had let any training opportunities pass by?  Why was everyone passing me while I dragged my butt over the downhills?  (slight exaggeration)

And then I stopped.

No, I didn't stop riding.  I can force my brain to ignore my body so that physically stopping is just not an option.  I stopped mentally beating myself up.

I've been following this really awesome blog by Swim Bike Mom and one of her mottos is Keep Moving Forward.  It is catchy and makes sense in the realm of endurance stuff.  Keep moving, blah, blah, blah.  But on my Saturday ride I finally got it.  It made sense for me and my endurance/life situation.

What Keep Moving Forward suddenly meant for me.

Seriously, why do I spend so much time worrying about what did or didn't happen?  I am such a control freak and clearly I can't control the past.  I can't control what I did yesterday or 10 years ago.  I only have right now.  I can only try to make the best choice from this point forward.

How amazing it must feel to be able to let go of regret and realize that regret is just another excuse.  Truth be told, I can only impact what I doing at the present moment.  

I can learn from the past but I can't change it.  I can't redo that past few weeks of training and add more riding that might have made the ride home easier or faster or prettier. 

I can't take back any choices I made.  They must have seemed like reasonable choices at the time.  I am not a flake.  I know my limits and I need to realize that sometimes life is out of my control.  

Then I started thinking about how this realization applies to so much more than my training.  My weight obsession is more about regret and beating myself up than it is about the choices I am making at this point in my life.  Yes, I have years of bad habits behind me but I am making real healthy choices for myself right now.  I slip up on occasion but overall I am in a much healthier place.

I could go on and on.

I must have spent a good 4 miles putting this all together in my brain.  Once the moment of clarity hit and I stopped beating myself up and the rest of the ride was AWESOME.

I am so grateful for what I have right now.  I am going to be more forgiving.  I am going to stop dwelling on the past.  

I am going to Keep Moving Forward.

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on. 

- Forrest Gump 

A Letter to My Scale

Dear Scale,

I hate you.  My mother always told me not to use the word hate because it is too strong a word.  In this case, hate is the most appropriate word.

I hate the power you have over me.  You can turn a perfectly good day into a miserable test of existence.  I can step on you with confidence only to be shot down by the number that appears.  My mood turns from happy to frustrated, depressed, angry and defeated.  My family suffers because of you.

I hate that you pass judgement on me.  You don't know me.  You don't know how hard I work and struggle to make healthy choices.  You don't know that I am out sweating my ass off just to please you.  Yet the judgement is real and it stings.  Sometimes you give me the news I want but those moments are fleeting.  I hate that even when I do see what I want I only use it as an excuse to make terrible choices and "hope" for the best.

I hate that your judgement is my obsession and has been for as long as I can remember.  From the first embarrassing moment when I stepped on the scale in 3rd grade to see the number 108 and the shame it left me, to the first (and every) time my success was measured at a Weight Watchers meeting, I have hated you.  No child should give you so much thought.

To put it simply, you don't know what I'm made of.  You are simple-minded and short-sighted.  I am strong and I am healthy.  I can push myself to places you can't imagine.

I've come to the conclusion that you are useless and a waste of my time.  I've decided that your information is irrelevant and you can't begin to define me.  I am more (or less) than you tell me I am.

I've decided that I am going to hate you because I am tired of hating myself.

Regards,
Stacie

Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.

El Cinco de Sucko 10k

Today I ran in the local Cinco de Mayo 10k.  I ran this race last year for the first time and many years ago I did the accompanying 2 mile fun run.

I was a beautiful morning for a race.  I managed to eat well yesterday and I was plenty hydrated.  Also, I got myself to bed by 9:30 pm. I woke up well rested at 4:25 a.m. but laid in bed until 5:00 a.m.  Then I did my normal pre-race routine and got out the door by 5:50 a.m.  I felt pretty good and managed to find a parking spot.  I was wearing my TTG purple shirt, a skirt, purple compression socks (to fight off a slight knot in my right calf) and my super fancy *insert eye roll* purple and black shoes.  More about the shoes in another post.   I got out of the car and realized I probably looked pretty ridiculous.  First order of business:  Port o Potty.

Heading for the starting line, I mean Port o Potty.

The morning weather really was gorgeous and watching the sun rise over the city was a pleasant sight to see.  I hung out in the registration area for a bit.  I went to this race alone so I just sort of wandered aimlessly.

Margarita socks seemed right for the occasion.

I snapped a picture of my nifty socks and obnoxious shoes.  Given the Cinco de Mayo theme for the day, I thought the socks were an excellent choice.

I finally wandered over to the starting area.  There I suddenly found myself surrounded by fellow Tri Girls.  They must have been attracted to all the purple.  I chatted for a bit.  Okay, I attempted to chat. It is difficult sometimes to overcome my social awkwardness.  I set up my music and just waited for the gun to go off.

I hadn't run more than a quarter mile into the uphill course before I realized I should have made one more stop at the potty.  I told myself it was just nerves and that I was only running for about an hour.  I could hold it.  I tried to go out with a controlled pace.  The ache in my right calf was noticeable but not hindering and I had no pain from my bad left hip.  The first mile was a piece of cake.  The second mile was a challenge and I fought to keep my heart rate under control.  I was flying downhill on the third mile and felt okay at the turn around.  I was very, very happy with my 5k time.  I have not run much since my labral tear diagnosis and all my runs have been slow.

There was this hill during mile 3.  It was a terrible, awful, mean hill.  It made me walk.  I only meant to walk long enough to catch my breath, work out a side stitch and hydrate.  As soon as I slowed my pace my right calf and hamstring seized up.  Blah.  I hobbled through a miserable mile +.  I ran and then I walked and repeated this for what seemed like for-ev-er.  Finally I reached the Mile 5 marker and I knew that they advertised a 2 mile downhill to the finish.  I mustered what I could and ignored my leg and I ran.  And then I walked.  

I convinced myself to stop walking altogether when I looked down at my watch and realized that even with my craptastic run to this point I could actually PR this race.  So I ran.  But the finish line was just too far away.  I did beat my best time and can technically call it a PR.  I bested my time by a whopped 23 seconds. 

I crossed the finish line and walked in my delirious state right over to the free massage area.  There I chatted with a fellow Tri Girl while waiting in a slow line.  I got my quick massage and did get some relief in my leg.  My last order of business before heading home was to get my free burrito.  Imagine my disappointment when the burritos were gone before I got there.  Booo.

My run is in a desperate place right now.  I am tired of having these failed race attempts.  I clearly need to train more consistently and get my mind cleared to just enjoy the running.  I think that besides the physical frustration of this race, I struggled to keep my negative thoughts at bay.  I need to have a successful, fun, and uneventful race to turn my thinking around.  Next on my calendar is the Meet Me Downtown 5k on June 2nd.  Given my excellent 5k times while running the half marathon at Tinker Bell and now at this 10k, I hope that this next race is a piece of cake confidence builder.

Believe in yourself. Have faith in your abilities. Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. – Norman Vincent Peale

A Ride With a View

I have been able to train consistently (finally) this week and my body is complaining about it loud and clear.  Today I planned to ride in the morning and then do a track workout in the evening.  My sore glutes, abs, quads and shoulders were letting me know that any excuse to skip the ride was completely reasonable.  So, while killing time on Facebook thinking of a reason not to ride I came across this link to a photo-essay about riding in the desert while it is in bloom.  The desert really is beautiful this time of year.  Soon it will too hot to enjoy it and during the winter it is just too brown.  I found my motivation to ride.  I would create my own photo-essay documenting my ride.  I set a couple of guidelines to keep myself focused.  First, I could only take pictures of sites from the road, I would not wander into the wildlife for a close up.  This was for my sanity so I wasn't pressured to get the perfect shot and for my safety.  I did not want to try to jump away from rattlesnakes in my cleats or risk a flat tire from whatever sharp object I might find around the cactus.  Second, I could not deviate from my normal route to get the perfect desert shot.  I could only photograph my typical route.  And I was off!

I had my margarita socks on.  A ride has to be awesome if it is done with the addition of margarita socks.

Line of Ocotillo

The first thing I rode past and had to turn around to get a good picture of was this line of ocotillo.  They are in what I will a call a minor bloom.  They are green and have some red flowers but they are not nearly as full and lush as they can be.

Next up was this example of a Palo Verde in bloom.  They don't look like this for very long but they are stunning when they are all yellow.  IF I could have broken my self imposed rules I would have ridden to a place where they look like a yellow forest.  The blooms are beautiful but so hard on the nose.

Then I saw this guy.  There is nothing but desert between this ocotillo and the Rincon Mountains in the background.  I have tried many times to capture the awe of those mountains.  Pictures do not do it justice.

Then, of course, there is the quintessential desert picture.  There are mountains, a lone saguaro, and some token clouds.  This is the first time that I noticed that this area of desert does not have very many saguaros.  Interesting.

More mountains, more Palo Verde, and even some prickly pear and creosote.  This is a better picture of the mountain, I think.

This is where I was headed.  It is a consistent uphill climb.  It was great being distracted, for once, by my surroundings and not focusing so intently on my legs.  I really enjoyed this ride.  All the stopping and starting meant that the effort wasn't too overwhelming.

Here is the view from the top of Pistol Hill.  This is a terrible picture of the view.  From this spot you can see clear across Tucson.  On the far left are the Tucson Mountains, the range in the middle of the picture are the Catalina Mountains and Rincons come in from the right.  It also does not give any perspective on the rolling hills.  Oh well.

I was almost home when I came across this little prickly pear forest.  The flowers are pretty.  I never realized how thick this area is with prickly pear.  Interesting.

This is just a close up of another prickly pear.  It was much closer to the road so I didn't have to break any rules to get a decent picture.

I really, really enjoyed this ride.  It was refreshing to just ride my bike and stop whenever and not be worried about pace or speed or heart rate.  I will definitely do this again.  Next time I'll bring my real camera.

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."  ~Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne