Since I started my "official" triathlon training in May, I have crashed (on my bike) a total of three glorious times. The first was minor but left me with an injured leg, the second (1 week later) was more dramatic. My second fall left me with a very sore and useless left hand. Last Saturday I had my most serious accident and, hopefully, I will never have one worse. I took a right turn too close to a truck, bumped the truck, lost my balance and crashed onto my left side, mostly upper arm and shoulder but did manage to bumped my head. Thank God for my helmet. I am also beyond thankful that the other drivers at the intersection were paying attention. For the very few seconds that it took me to figure out where I was and quickly jumped up and out of the road I was totally vulnerable. This all happened at about 8:30 am. I assured everyone that stopped including the guy that I bumped into, the nice people in the cars who stopped to check on me, and the two police officers to stopped to help, that I was alright I got right back on the bike and pedaled back to my car. It was only about a mile away. I also have to say a huge thank you to my wonderful mother. She sat in urgent care with me while I waited for x-rays, kept me warm as my body froze from the trauma, and didn't say one negative thing about my biking. She is an amazing mother, I am blessed.
My arm is still not functioning properly. I couldn't even lift it at first but now I just don't have full rotation. It is achy and sore. Luckily, all my other hurts were minor. But...
I was supposed to race yesterday. I have been diligently training since May and managed to compete in one whole triathlon this year. I kept an open mind throughout last weekend that the muscle in my arm was just sore and needed to loosen up and I'd be fine for Saturday. By Tuesday my hopes were dwindling. I had tried to swim on Monday night and it proved to be a complete failure and a total mistake. It just added to my soreness. By Thursday I was feeling moderately better, again. So I tried the pool. I managed to swim 400 yard and did it in about 9 minutes. I was seriously considering racing. But, now that my arm was feeling a little better I had to face the grim reality of getting back on the bike...
My arm was incredibly sore from the effort on Thursday and I could barely move it again on Friday. Also, on Friday, both of my cars ended up in the shop. One for a flat tire and the other for a bunch of brake warning lights popping up. The universe was conspiring against me traveling out of town to race. With the cars out of comission and the fear of huge repair bills my weekend race was out but I also felt like continuing with my sport was just a selfish money sucking activity. I was feeling really, really low.
Back to the bike. My bike and I have a hate-hate relationship. I hate my bike and it knows it. It apparently hates me as well. I like the idea of a riding a bike but I hate the reality of my bike. It is too big for me and I have never, ever felt secure and confident while riding it. I have always felt out of control and at the mercy of my inept coordination to deal with anything the road might throw at me. I fell the first two times trying to figure out my damn clipless pedals. I finally felt like I got that down but in the back of my mind I always worry about having to stop suddenly and get my foot released fast enough to catch myself. This fall was just about stupidity. I should have stopped behind the cars at the stop light and waited for the green and all the cars to turn. I would have had a wide open road and no problem. Instead I got too close to the stinkin' truck and with the slightly bobble was completely out of control. I hate my bike. I should probably be suffering from some self-loathing. But, honestly, I have that area covered and adding more would just seem like over-kill. I want to blame the bike. I have lost all interest in riding. I shudder with anxiety at the thought of getting back on it. I am even hestitant about using the trainer in my garage. I should probably seek some professional help on this one.
Sometime, this week, I will find the courage to get back on my bike. It might be with my old, standard pedals and I might be moving very slow but I'll get back on it. Around here we say that we "never give up" and I won't. But I won't be happy about it. I have work to do. Times to shorten. My first tri of the 2011 season is only 4 months away. I will be ready. I have to defeat my bike. (I hate that thing).
“If you worried about falling off the bike, you’d never get on.” Lance Armstrong
